this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
