If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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