I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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