When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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