please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
