I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize