We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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