tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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