i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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