Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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