I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
