Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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