The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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