Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
