no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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