Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
