I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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