Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
