even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
