u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
