The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
