i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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