it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
NoShamevember. You game?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
