i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
