jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
