dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
