Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize