Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
