this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
