Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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