He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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