I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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