I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
