Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
