We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
