Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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