Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
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For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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