thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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