I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
