Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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