I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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