I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
