That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
