If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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