My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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