need another drink. this is the easiest way
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
the liver wants what the liver wants
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
