I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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