What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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