It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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