Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
