so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
