Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
