he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
