She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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