I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
