She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
