Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
