I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize