we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
