yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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