I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
