So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
