I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
