Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
