i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
