Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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