Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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