I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
