we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
