were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
