The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
