You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My bed smells like the plague
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
True college students do jello shots in the library
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