I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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