During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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