On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
