the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
