Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
