We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
