Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
