either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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