If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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